Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Cat talking to Cats.

So as promised here is the blog that maybe reveals a little too much of the weird world that is Our Little Ranch.

***Our legal counsel said that we should write a disclaimer to this blog so those men in white lab coats don't try to come get my wife. So this blog is written in good fun and no actual accounts of real life cats talking actually took place.***

But use your imagination anyway, it makes life mucho better. And this is how the cat talking ordeal went down.

Two nights ago Catherine and I were just about to go to bed and Catherine blurted out "Do you know what Dixie just told me?!"

I responded with "No, I do not know what the cat just told you." I said it in a very "here we go again" tone.

Catherine proceeded with this:

"Well she told me that she has been hearing us make a fuss about how much we like the porch kitties and she needed to get some things straight. First off, this is her house and she is not sure why we keep calling it ours. She told me that she is the master here and we need to do what she tells us to, not the other way around. She also said to me that all decision making processes like bringing a new pet into our lives would have to be brought up to her at a weekly household meeting. And finally that when we are gone she has parties at the house, because it is her house and she can do what she wants."

Seriously, I cannot make this stuff up. I about wet my britches and could do nothing but smile. Catherine told the story with such a serious face I was beginning to wonder if the cat could actually talk and I just was not paying close enough attention.

We don't say much about Dixie because she really is from "the bad place." You know, like H-E-Double Hockey Stick! She is evil! She will just randomly latch onto our arm and hold on for way more than 8 seconds while you flail your arm around in the air as you run around the house trying to get away from Satan kitty. But the weird thing is after she makes an attempt at your life, she then crawls back on you and starts to purr. It's like she is thinking "Okay, we are friends again.'' The vet told Catherine that she should put her on anti-depressants to help her. Does that sound like rubbish to anyone else?

Even though Dixie/Diddles/Rucifee (the list goes on and on!) is mean at times she can also be very sweet. Here are some pictures of "The Lady of the House" when she was a little younger. I have tried to get some pictures of her recently, but each time I do the camera explodes.

This is Dixie and her brother Tad when they were just babies. I wish her eyes were still blue like this, but now they are yellow/tan/green.

Here they are again. This was one of the last pictures of Tad. Unfortunately, the guy who comes and fills up the semen tanks with nitrogen ran over Tad. And that was the end of that.

But Dixie has moved past that, and here she is playing Christmas Kitty. She still gets in the tree, but with her current body condition score, the tree tends to lean and/or fall over when she gets near the top.

Here she is working. Dixie likes play pretend secretary.
So that is the most recent Cat talking experience I have had. I am sure that I will be met with something like "Luke, Dixie just told me how much she likes her pictures on the internet," when I get out of here.
Until next time friends!


  1. The master seems to enjoy her home. What ever happened to Tad?

  2. You tried to slip one past me here late at night Luke... Thats not right. Keep an eye on the Mrs. She is that close to the cat, sounds like you might be on the way out.

  3. Being a "cat person" I can relate, and it would be total chaos if you were to get another pet without Dixie's consult. She is beautiful, and as a female cat, it is her right to go from hateful to sweet and cuddly in 60 seconds. . .I had a cat tell me that once!

  4. Haha! These comments make our day!

    Kimball - I have thought more than once that I was on the way out and I could hear Dixie laughing in the background.

    Shelia - Hilarious. The last sentence made me laugh real hard!

  5. does the cat have toe nail polish on in the last picture??

  6. That cat is ROTTEN! But we love her.

    Dustin - she used to go to the vet and get Soft Paws (kinda like nail covers, so she couldn't claw up the furniture) put on. Then the vets told me that she was too aggressive and that each time she would get them put on, we were going to have to pay to have her put under anesthesia. Yes... this is real life.

    Now she has her claws out in all their glory any time she pleases. I have the scars on my arm to prove it!

  7. my goodness. Look at those beautiful blue eyes. I truly have a cat possessed by the devil himself. (swear) Her name is Missy and when she was younger she scratched Owen all the way down his chest...scarred him. So we then decided to get her declawed....Anyways, she used to be my pet but I gladly gave her away to Owen now (their bff's...whatever) and now we both cannot stand each other.

    Funny thing...when she hisses she farts. Totally true!

  8. I believe Dixie is suffering from the taumatic experience of having her brother killed and acts out her frustration by pretending to be a bronc rider and holding on by her claws for the required 8 seconds.....however, she is a cat and they are just plain nasty. imo