Our Little Ranch: Janak Family Photo Session

Alright, alright! I know that I said I would post the pictures tomorrow, but we had something very tragic happen at Our Little Ranch. Both Catherine and I thought that there was a snake in our cabinet beneath the sink. Do you know what that does to a person?

Here is how it went down.

Catherine and I were watching something random on the tele. We both noticed that the cat, Dixie, was running back and forth in front of the cabinet below the sink. It should be said that I think the cat chases butterflies too, ones that we cannot see. So we just chalked it up to the cat being nuts.

However, this behavior went on for almost an hour. Then Catherine and I figured there was a mouse under the sink. You see, we have had mice under the sink and always set traps and catch them. They can sneak in through a hole that is by a pipe that goes underneath the house. (Why that hole has not been patched is beyond me.) After thinking that is was just a mouse, a lightbulb went off over our heads. Yes, a real light bulb, just like the cartoons. We both thought what if it was a snake looking for a mouse under the sink.

This caused us to go into a panic. I cannot stand a snake. I am horrified. Horrified!!

We had to come up with an action plan as to how we would open the cabinet to look, and if there was a snake, how we would terminate it. In the process of trying to figure out how we will get rid of this snake, I was in the kitchen cleaning off the counter tops. While I was doing this, Catherine screams out "OH S*^|!!!!, there it is!!"

This causes a panic. A. PANIC!

I think that my fight or flight mechanism needs to be oiled or something. Maybe I was just frozen with fear. I was not sure what was going on. I was thinking "Serpent, Attack, Must Run for Life!" but all that happened was I stood there.

Finally I was able to get my motor skills back. I bolted out of that kitchen high-stepping like a Tennessee Walking Horse with tears running down my face, mess in my britches, and no plan as to where I was going, just someplace else! I was convinced that the snake was in fact a huge Anaconda that escaped from the zoo and had a huge hunger for one Lucas B. Neumayr.

When I was flying past Catherine who was sitting at the dining room table I noticed that she was rolling with laughter. Wait, what the? How could she be laughing when our lives were in danger?

Turns out, she was laughing because there was no snake, not even a mouse. She made the whole thing up and thought it would be funny to try and scare the mess outta me. Well it worked! I thought I was a goner. But I got my revenge, while laughing like a Hyena at me, Catherine peed her pants!

Now back to the real issue, is there a snake under the sink or not. I was not going back into the kitchen again without a game plan. So I gathered up the following:

1) a baseball bat autographed by Carlos Lee with the Astros.
2) a machete
3) a broom

And here is what the plan was.

I would climb on the island and pull open the cabinet with the baseball bat. Then when the man-eating serpent came out, I would smash its head with the bat and while I had its head pinned against the floor, Catherine would chop it up with the machete. You follow?

The broom was a back up incase the snake broke past the initial resistance and we had to sweep it out from behind the couch or something.

So the plan was put into effect. I climbed on top of the island and shakily extended my arm with the baseball bat and slowly opened the cabinet. Care to guess what was in there? A huge, big, fat, slimy, scary nothing! Yeah, nothing was in there. No snake, no mouse, no gnome, nothing!

So I still have all my fingers and toes intact and I didn't have to engage in face-to-face combat with a serpent.

Wait, what is the title of this post? Oh yeah, the Janak's pictures. So here you go. Just disregard the previous stuff.