Thursday, July 1, 2010

Hurricane Schmurricane

If you have watched the news recently you will know about Alex. Ales is hurricane that was in the gulf and is now over the northern mountains of Mexico. To many of you, a hurricane is something that you will never have to worry about. And quite frankly, something that I never thought I would have to deal with, until I met Catherine and moved only 40ish miles from the gulf coast.

I would also like to thank all the people who have called/texted/emailed to make sure that we are ok and not holding a “help us” sign from atop our house.

Now that I am at ground zero for a possible hurricane to come ashore I take much more notice of the things. I was on the phone with my mom yesterday and she asked me "What do you do to prepare for a hurricane?" And the answer to that is a lot of things, it just depends on the size and path of the hurricane.

For example, when Hurricane Rita was supposed to come ashore in Matagorda Bay, the closest beach to us, before it made the last minute turn north, we boarded up the house, relocated herds of cattle to more inland pastures, most about 3 hours away, and loaded up every pet and family member and got the heck out of dodge. Keep in mind that Hurricane Rita was the fourth-most intense Atlantic hurricane ever recorded and the most intense tropical cyclone ever observed in the Gulf of Mexico. (Thanks Wikipedia!)

Another example was Hurricane Ike, it came ashore in Galveston, Texas as a strong Category 2 hurricane, with Category 5 equivalent storm surge and was the third costliest hurricane ever to make landfall in the United States. For this one we boarded up the house, moved cattle to pastures with creeks and water access (incase the power went out for an extended period of time), and all "hunkered down" at Catherine's parents house. This was another storm that made a last minute turn and we did not get much damage.

The previous examples were both big storms that at one time had a direct path right over Our Little Ranch. But our most recent threat, Hurricane Alex, had a much more southern course and we did minimal preparation. We got some batteries, canned goods, and a ham. Yes. A ham. You see Catherine’s mom Luann thinks that a ham (the size of a leg of Elephant) will be able to feed the family until the all clear is given, and the storm has passed.

Since this storm was not going to come right at us, we just went on about our normal daily activities and road out the bad weather we got. At our house we lost power for about 30 minutes when one band of storms came rollin’ through. This is when the story gets good.

Since we had been having storms all morning Wilma dog would not go outside to use the restroom. Something about not wanting to go out in a deluge or something like that. Anyway the rain subsided and we went out to our pasture beside the house which had about a inch of water standing on it. Wilma found a hill and did her business. Then we began to play. A bulldog is very susceptible to overheating and since it has been Hades-like around here, we have not been able to play outside much. But with the recent rains and nasty weather the temps were tolerable. Wilma and I began to run around, chase each other, and have a good ole time. That is when it happened.

First picture this. Frank and I were fixing fence from a bull fight earlier that morning. It was hot and steamy, the storms had not rolled through yet. I was pretty much soaked with sweat, and was wearing a lime green fishing shirt. I came back to the house and wanted to get out of my nasty clothes. I asked Catherine if I had any clean pajamas. Since the weather was about to turn bad, I did not think that I would be going outside anymore for awhile. Since Catherine someone has not been doing laundry, she gave me a pair of her gaucho pants and a tie-died t-shirt. The shirt was mine, but the pants were hers and a little to tight and revealing, if you catch my drift. But hey, I needed some clothes and beggars cannot be choosers. I was also wearing a pair of high socks, I don’t think they matched. Now that you are aware of my wonderful garb, you can better appreciate the story.

Where was I, oh yeah, Wilma and I were playing. I was wearing an outstanding getup and my Crocs only complimented it. Wilma and I were running, playing, and loving life. I tried to turn and run in the opposite direction and that is when it happened. My life flashed before my eyes and I pummeled towards the earth. As I tried to turn the corner, my feet slipped. My left foot slide right through a fresh steamy pile of cow manure, my right arm landed in a fire ant bed, and my butt fell right on a thistle plant. Then to make things even better, Wilma ran to my rescue and licked my face all over after eating who knows how much of what I can only imagine was petrified opossum poop.

Then I thought to myself “Self shake it off, no one saw you.” Then I heard it, a honk from a passerby of the pasture where I just had my most embarrassing moment of the day. I get up, shake it off, and look to see who saw my manure, ant covered, daisy child self. It was no one else than the Ham Queen Luann. She was bringing some mail over to our house and made sure to point out that she saw the whole ordeal go down. Wonderful!

I am sorry that we do not have pictures of my “outfit” but trust me, you would not want to see them anyway.


  1. That cracked me up! Thank you for sharing...I was laughing with you (and all your other followers.) Oh, and you're a grown man, you should be able to do your own laundry. Gaucho pants, nice. : )

  2. Nice strike-through. Very subtle.
    : )

  3. MY eyes simply glazed over at the very idea. I have a very fertile mind.

    Note to Catherine: Teach him the knobs on the washer. Marriage last a long time......and it's time for him to learn. How tough can it be? LOL